my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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