you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize