no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
