I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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