hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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