and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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