It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize