I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
