Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
