i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
