i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
