I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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