He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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