he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there is glitter all over my balls
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
