well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
