plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
