My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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