All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
