I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's Friday. Sex?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
