Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All the doctor said was why
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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