You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
