Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
