he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
