Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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