I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
