idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize