pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will pee on everything he values.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
