guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
