a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
