Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm at about main and main street
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
