I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
