I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're too hungover to prance.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
