Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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