Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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