You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
