we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
