When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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