rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
