if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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