I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
