I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
birth control should be required to get into college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
