i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
