home. puking in laundry basket.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
