Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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