look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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