I don't think brook has ever known best
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize