Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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