tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
