Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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