He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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