I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
