dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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