So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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