i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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