Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
