So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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