Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
