Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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