but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
