I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He did a backflip because drugs
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