wanna go halves on a baby?
Small penises have feelings too.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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