so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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