Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
