Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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